those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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