True but thats because hes a fetus.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
