as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
this will be a night to untag.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
