I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
