Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
