worst night to have a conscience
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
