I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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