can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
