my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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