Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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