Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
