I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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