I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
