He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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