It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
