So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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