I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
