ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
