when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
is that a dick in a sweater?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
