somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
