How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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