Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
