did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
