pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
