so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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