just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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