I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
