you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
