We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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