K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
