i think my tv is drunk
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
