I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Come on in and take your pants off
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