At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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