i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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