I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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