Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
