he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
