he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
