If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
