i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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