Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
