He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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