it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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