He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just invented taco cereal.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
