Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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