am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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