Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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