Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
