One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
