Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
