i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
