No stitches, just platelets and will power
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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