Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
