Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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